A Journey of Faith, Family, and Loss: My Mum’s Story

The last thing we expected when we suggested mum go to the hospital for some tests was that she would come away with a terminal cancer diagnosis.
 
As the oldest of five siblings, I often took on the responsibility of arranging and attending mum’s medical appointments. Around five years ago, at the time of her diagnosis, we noticed that her stomach had begun to swell and become bloated. It was while visiting another family member in hospital that we suggested mum get herself checked out too.
 
After a trip down to A&E, she came back with a life-changing diagnosis that shook us all. She had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. A few years earlier, some cancer cells were incidentally found during a hysterectomy, but at the time it was believed that all the cancer had been removed.
 
We found ourselves making various trips to different departments at the hospital. Chemotherapy was discussed, but mum made the brave decision to decline it. There were several reasons for this — the main one being how difficult the treatment would be for her. I’m sure she had other worries too, like losing her hair, which was a big part of her identity. But more than anything, she was very aware of the reality of her prognosis — which was measured in months rather than years, even with the treatment.
 
Ultimately, mum placed her complete trust in Allah. She firmly believed that Shifa (healing) comes from Allah and Allah alone. She accepted that her time left on this earth was limited, and as a family, we respected and accepted her choice. Her faith in taqdeer — that what is written for us will surely come to pass — gave her, and us, peace.
 
As a family, we began researching alternative treatments — natural remedies, and specific Ayahs and Surahs in the Qur’an. On reflection, these things may not have extended her life, but they gave us hope and the comfort of knowing we were trying our best for our mum.
 
In an unexpected way, the timing of her illness during the COVID-19 pandemic turned out to be a blessing. It allowed us to change our ways of working, so most of us were working from home. This meant we were able to spend more time with mum, caring for her and being by her side.
 
It was so hard to watch mum slowly fade away and become weaker. The cancer took so much of her energy. And yet, despite everything, her faith never wavered. She was always supplicating to Allah and never lost hope, right until the very end. She passed away five months after her diagnosis.
 
This experience changed who I am as a person. Watching my mum go through the toughest time of her life — yet still having faith in Allah — only deepened my respect and admiration for her. She held onto hope in the mercy of Allah and maintained a positive mindset, no matter what she was enduring.
 
The biggest lesson I took from this was that no matter what stage of illness a person may be facing, it’s always important to nurture hope and positivity. For the person afflicted, it’s crucial that they feel cared for, listened to and supported. It wasn’t easy for us as a family to accept mum decision to decline treatment but it was her choice and we respected it.
 
I know it was difficult for her mentally to come to terms with what was happening. We tried our best to give her emotional support and stood by her through every challenge she faced during the final months of her life.
 
Till the very end, we remained hopeful for Allah’s mercy and shifa and we prayed for her passing to be as peaceful and comfortable as possible.