A Mother’s Legacy: Faith, Love, and Gratitude Through Hardship

Blog written by Khadija from Safeena Muslim Cancer Support Network

It was during Covid in 2020 when I was pregnant with my second child that I started experiencing immense back pain during my second trimester which doctors put down to just being pregnancy related. However, as time went on, the pain in my back got much worse and I knew I couldn’t perform a normal delivery so I opted for a C-section.

Shortly after the birth of my baby girl, the pain was still there and was excruciating. I knew this wasn’t just pregnancy or hormone related like they said and so, after numerous times going back and forth with doctors and nurses, I opted to go private and get an MRI scan whereby a major concern of mine resulted in a devastating diagnosis. I had stage 4 breast cancer which had already spread to my bones.

Upon hearing this news, I was advised to go into surgery immediately, but I’d just given birth and had a 2 year old toddler at home. The mum guilt of not being able to bond with my newborn and being away from my toddler for so long was even more unbearable, so I went home. Alas, it wasn’t long until my husband dropped me to the hospital (but couldn’t stay as this was during Covid) and once admitted, further tests were carried out and I was on bed rest. By this point, my mother and sister had already moved into my home and were taking care of my baby girls.

The spinal surgery went ahead which left me in crutches and the advice was to not move or pick up anything heavy for 6 weeks. Again, this was unbearable knowing that I couldn’t pick up my newborn. Soon after, my first round of chemotherapy began which lasted around 6-7 months and took us into 2021. I had to get regular scans every 3 months which started to show no further spread of the disease, however there was no improvement either. The cancer was hormone driven, which also led me to go through early menopause and on top of this, the diagnosis was terminal.

Fast forward to almost 5 years later here I am. Alhamdulillah.

Through every hospital visit, every painful treatment and every sleepless night, I found something deeper than fear.

I found faith.

I found purpose.

I found gratitude.

Although at first, I was overwhelmed.

Not by the fear of death, but by the thought of leaving my two young girls without guidance. Who would teach them to pray? Who would encourage them to dream? Who would remind them that they were deeply and so unconditionally loved?

I realised that preparing for the end wasn’t just about wills or insurance policies. It was about preparing their hearts and allowing them to become independent and to solidify themselves as Muslims.

I wanted my children to know:

• That Allah’s plan is always greater than ours.
• That hardship is never the end of the story.
• That gratitude is the strongest form of resilience.
• That death isn’t a bad thing; it’s a part of life and a beautiful part of life. You can benefit from it by making du’aa for those affected and the deceased, hoping to meet them in Jannah in shaa Allah.

So, I got to work. I cashed in my pensions and started going through my bucket list.

During spring, I taught my daughters how to cycle and am now taking my eldest daughter to swimming classes. These are life skills I want to teach them as well as being close to their religion. Teaching them how to make wudhu, how to pray and learning Surah Fatihah, so that I too can get ajar from it. I’m trying to use the time I have as best as I can to teach my kids adaab.

As a mother, I do not want to give up. I also had a wish to homeschool, but it wasn’t possible to do this full-time with my health and all the hospital visits. However, following  an opportunity I saw on Facebook and with the support of their headteacher, my daughters are now flexi-schooling. This was another goal I was able to tick off and I’m so grateful I’m able to do this.

I got the opportunity to go on Umrah three times with both of my daughters and after every visit, it was so beautiful seeing them understand where they were and the du’aas they had learned to make. Seeing my kids play in Masjid Al Haram was a dream come true for me and I truly felt blessed for being able to take them three times. A core memory in my 4-year-old’s head is being able to celebrate her birthday in Masjid Al Aqsa. Something that I will always cherish. SubhaanAllah, how blessed are we!

I wasn’t just leaving them memories. I was leaving them a spiritual inheritance.

Gratitude Over Despair.

There were dark days. There were days when the pain was so intense that gratitude felt impossible and days when fear knocked loudly at my heart.

But even then, I chose to say:

Alhamdulillah.

Even for this.

Gratitude didn’t erase the hardship.

It transformed it.

I would never say, “Why me?” but instead say, “Thank You, Allah, for trusting me with this test. Thank You for giving me more time to love, to teach and to leave a piece of my heart behind.”

Submitting myself completely to Allah and trusting His plan has helped me so much through this journey. Allah has given me so much through this test and so many opportunities I never imagined I’d get to experience. It’s all about having the right mindset.

My word of encouragement is to embrace it and to trust Allah’s plan. It may not make sense to you now but it will make sense later on. Try to refrain from saying, “Why” and instead say, “Alhamdulillah” as it is Allah’s mercy upon you.