Caring for someone is easier than caring for yourself. You know they have to eat on time, they have to rest, or when things don’t look right they need to see the doctor. But what about us, as caregivers? What do we do when our body tells us to rest? We continue to work because we’re not the ill ones right? We’re hungry but we convince ourselves to delay the meal after completing tasks x, y and z first, we’ll eat in peace later right?
Looking after my Mother whilst being pregnant was a test and a blessing in disguise. It forced me, on most occasions, to listen to my body and rest, to accept the help from family friends and to eat healthy, wholesome meals; something I didn’t do the first time she was diagnosed with cancer. In this article, I will share 10 tips on how you too can look after yourself whilst you’re looking after a loved one with cancer. Bismillah, here goes!
1- Don’t feel guilty. It’s perfectly normal and natural to feel overwhelmed. So go easy on yourself when this feeling starts (usually when you’re physically exhausted), as it’s your body’s way of telling you that it needs help.
2- Talk to God. Pour your heart out, complain, then ask for forgiveness, ask for the impossible, ask for strength, just speak to Him and see how He answers you in the most miraculous of ways. And feel a sense of relief knowing that He is always there.
3- Go for a walk. The fresh air hitting your face and the change of scenery should help you to relax a little. Also, going for a walk allows you to see that the world is so much bigger than you and your ill family member, again helping lower the stress in your mind and body. If you’re feeling up for it, you could even ask your family member to join you, and you’ll soon realise how different your conversations are as you step out of the confinements of your home.
4- Be organised. Make a to do list with tasks that need to be done the next day, or questions you need to ask the doctors in the morning. If your loved one has developed a rash or any new symptom, make a note of it and take a picture too. Being organised will help lighten the load, put all your thoughts in one place and ensure that you don’t miss anything important in the midst of all the busyness of your caregiving life.
5- Keep informed. Pick up those booklets that you walk past in hospital, research any financial grants that you could apply for (Hugh James emergency fund provides a one-off £100 payment). Speak to doctors and family friends whenever you are concerned so that you feel confident in your new responsibility as a caregiver.
6- Do a bit of Grocery therapy! When you know that your loved one is safe to be left home alone for some time, visit your local supermarket and walk through each aisle. Maybe you’ll find a good deal. See that hand sanitiser that you’d forgotten to add to your shopping list or the halloumi cheese you craved the other day! Wandering around from aisle to aisle can be that break your mind and body needs.
7- Eat. Ensure you’re eating good wholesome foods. Always have snacks in your bag: almonds, a banana, a bar of chocolate will help keep your energy levels up. It might sound far-fetched, but on the days you have half an hour spare, cook something you like for yourself – a full English breakfast (or whatever takes your fancy) and make it look pretty! You’ll feel super proud for managing to do this despite being so busy. The important thing is that you’re having three full meals, healthy snacks and that you’re keeping yourself hydrated. Sometimes the stress can cause headaches, other times they’re because of dehydration. However, headache or no headache, it’s vital that you keep yourself hydrated and are drinking plenty of water/fluids
8- Me time. Whether that’s watching a Netflix series that’ll completely distract you for an hour or two (I watched a Turkish crime series and it was brilliant!) or taking a shower with relaxing music playing in the background, going out/calling a friend who’ll make you laugh or finally starting that night time moisturising routine before bed! Giving yourself even half an hour a day will help fill your cup so that you can pour it out to others.
9- Make the most of the time. Because you’ll most likely be up earlier than usual, you’ll find that you have more time on your hands than before; so make the most of it! Use it to do things like memorising a Surah, having a painting session with your parent, or even write an article. If your busy yourself in these activities you’ll feel productive and positive about yourself which will prevent any resentment building up towards your ill family member or your relatives who aren’t able to offer as much of their caregiving time as you.
10- This too shall pass. And finally, seek solace in the fact that no matter how long the days/nights are, a time will come when you’ll look back and this will all be over. So don’t lose hope or fall into despair, stay strong, have faith in God. Give this caregiving role your 110% and Inshallah you’ll reap the rewards in this life and the next.
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