My faith kept me going

My mother and father were both diagnosed with cancer. This experience has been incredibly tough for our family. Personally, I’ve grappled with a profound sense of helplessness, especially witnessing their health decline. The toll has been both physically and mentally exhausting, often forcing me to adopt a robotic mode to cope with the overwhelming situation.

My mother’s diagnosis of aggressive gallbladder cancer hit me hard. Despite being in the medical profession, the scan report confirming my worst fears was heart-wrenching. I chose not to reveal the prognosis to her, instead breaking down to my husband. She fought like a soldier until the end, but seeing the strongest pillar of our family in pain was incredibly challenging. Concealing our emotions as her children, including my sister’s cancer diagnosis during the same period, became a heavy burden.

We honoured my mother’s wish to pass away at home, we faced an extremely distressing time with minimal support from medical professionals and institutions. The absence of an end-of-life plan added to the loneliness of the experience. Simultaneously, my father dealt with the side effects of prostate cancer treatment during this period.

Six years after my mother’s passing, my father’s prostate cancer returned, metastasizing to his spine. Despite initial positive responses to treatment, the cancer spread further into the bones, rapidly impacting his health. These last few months have stirred up painful memories from my mother’s journey. As a family, we’re navigating each day, doing our best to care for our father. Despite the emotional rollercoaster, we strive to stay positive and cherish the moments we have together.

The one thing I wish I could have told myself before going through this is to be open about the emotional turmoil you are going through, talk about it. Don’t hold emotions in. It is an extremely lonely and difficult journey, and you will need support. It is also important to make sure people especially children are knowledgeable about the situation. Tell your children about cancer and how it can affect anyone.

The biggest lesson I have learnt is that life really is short, and time is precious. Being a Muslim, the fundamental belief in the temporariness of this life became profoundly apparent. Regularly spending quality time with your parents is a precious privilege. We are often too busy in our own lives as we get older, that we forget that our parents are also getting older. It is important to make the conscious effort to spend time with our loved ones.

My faith kept me going. Turning to Allah in various ways, whether it be conversing with Him in solitude, engaging in abundant dhikr, or taking moments to breathe, became my solace. During my grieving period, reciting numerous salawat played a significant role in sustaining me. Additionally, I explored holistic treatments to address the emotional aspects of my grief.

My advice to anyone going through something similar is to dedicate ample time to be with your loved one, providing care, ensuring their comfort, and engaging in activities they enjoy. Prioritise moments for yourself to release emotions – allowing yourself to cry and sharing your thoughts with someone, even if it means confiding in a non-relative. Opening up can be challenging, but finding the right person to talk to is crucial.