Those Were Very Hard Days

Living with the word ‘cancer’ has been a long journey for the majority of our young lives, for my siblings and I.

In a very brief description, I was in my early teens when our mother was first diagnosed with a lump in her breast, of course we didn’t understand very much what that meant but the word tumour and cancer was very frightening.

The days went very quickly then, from the time of mum being diagnosed to having surgery. We stayed at home but my elder sister waited outside the hospital as she could not bear to come home without seeing my mum there.

Surgery went well, which then led to receiving sessions of chemotherapy. Those were very hard days, in terms of managing the side effects. Nausea and vomiting was the most common symptoms that that we had to deal with.

Our feelings were mixed with fear, anxiety, sadness and some hope that it will all get better soon.

My older sister and I had to be very brave, our intention was staying positive, searching for hope, taking our mind off it so that we can look after our younger siblings and cope with our emotions internally.

Ten years passed until mum was again diagnosed with the word ‘cancer’ or to be precise, ‘metastasis of the bones,’ secondary to her breast tumour.

I still remember the day when the doctor told us and how much I cried but my mum comforted me by saying ‘it will be okay.’

Of course, I knew that it might not be okay and by then I had embarked on the journey of becoming a healthcare professional myself, therefore had more understanding and knowledge of cancer.

That moment has stuck in my mind even to this day. I don’t think one can explain the emotion that goes through your head but feeling hopeless, like the world is turning upside down and also feeling denial, shock and fear of what’s to come was an emotional devastation for me. However, even in that bleak moment, my mum’s words were comforting and gave strength to us.

Looking after loved ones with cancer is by no means easy.

Your days becomes filled with duties, chores, looking after yourself and the household and in our case, our younger brothers and sisters.

Again, feelings were mixed, at times, you become physically and mentally exhausted but have to carry on.

I’m not sure if one can ever be prepared to look after somebody with cancer as each day brings a different challenge.

My biggest struggle was learning about each stage of cancer that my mum was going through, but being unable to share this with the rest of my family, as I didn’t want them to go through the same pain and agony that I was going through. Therefore, I stayed silent and at times became very isolated and withdrawn.

Of course, once again all our feelings were mixed as we were all in different path of our lives, however supporting and helping each other was our main method of coping with our pain.

The biggest experience I believe we all gained from having lost our father and then our mother to cancer was ‘endurance’ and how delicate life is. It also reminded us how precious parents are and that nothing or no one can ever replace them.

At the same time we were very proud, blessed and honoured to have them as our parents. We cherish each moment and year we were fortunate to share with them.

Religion played a huge part for us to cope. It guided and comforted us, as well as keeping us together. Having faith and good family support would be the two most important strengths one can have to cope with either living with cancer or looking after loved ones suffering from it.